How Emotional Intelligence and Empathy made me a more Confident Leader

When I first started managing a team I was about 25 and working in a fast-growing start-up. Most of the team were hardly a year younger than me - some were older.

I was full of enthusiasm for the business’s success. I loved the team and cared about their individual success.

But I was also overwhelmed. I couldn’t get the balance between my focus on our objectives and delivering huge conferences across Europe and my personal values about really caring (read over-caring) about my relationships with the team, wanting to be liked and admired.

I remember the first time I had to deliver feedback to a colleague who was underperforming—it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. My palms were sweaty, and I struggled to find the right words. What if they didn’t like what I had to say? What if they didn’t take me seriously? These thoughts swirled around my mind, making the conversation feel impossible.

Fast forward to today, and I’ve had countless difficult conversations, led teams through challenging times, and built relationships that have stood the test of time. The difference? I’ve learned that leadership isn’t about perfection—it’s about growth, self-awareness, and effective communication. And, most importantly, it's about emotional intelligence.

What is Emotional Intelligence and Why Does It Matter for Leaders?

Emotional intelligence (EQ or EI) is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. For leaders, this means being self-aware, demonstrating empathy, and using emotional understanding to guide decisions and interactions.

In my early days of leadership, I realised that my emotional reactions—whether to stress, frustration, or excitement—often influenced how I communicated with my team. The more I understood my own emotions, the better I could regulate them, leading to more thoughtful and productive conversations.

But emotional intelligence goes beyond self-awareness. Empathy is the key to building trust and stronger relationships. When you actively listen and consider the emotions of others, you're able to connect on a deeper level, which in turn creates an environment where people feel valued, supported, and motivated.

Leadership vs. Management: Knowing When to Wear Each Hat

One of the most eye-opening moments in my leadership journey was realising that leadership and management aren’t the same thing, even though they’re often used interchangeably. Leadership is about inspiring vision, guiding teams toward a goal, and motivating them to give their best. It’s about creating a culture and an environment where people want to follow you.

Management, on the other hand, is more about ensuring day-to-day operations are running smoothly, executing plans, and maintaining control over processes.

I learned that it’s not enough to simply lead or manage—I had to balance both. The key was knowing when to step into a leadership role to inspire and when to manage to keep things on track.

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: Finding Confidence as a Leader

Another hurdle I faced early in my leadership role was imposter syndrome. Despite my achievements, I often questioned whether I really deserved to be in charge. Who am I to be leading this team? What if they find out I’m not as capable as they think I am? These thoughts were constant.

Over time, I learned to manage imposter syndrome by adopting a simple 3-step framework:

1. Identify the triggers: What specific situations make you feel like an imposter?

2. Reframe negative thoughts: Instead of focusing on doubt, focus on the skills and accomplishments that got you to this point.

3. Take action with confidence: Confidence comes with doing. Every step forward, no matter how small, builds your self-assurance.

I realized that everyone experiences self-doubt from time to time—what matters is how you respond to it.

The Art of Communication: Clarity, Listening, and Empathy

One of the most powerful tools in any leader's arsenal is effective communication. As I reflected on my journey, I realized that clarity, active listening, and empathy are the cornerstones of any successful conversation.

Clarity helps prevent misunderstandings and aligns everyone on goals and expectations. Whether you’re giving feedback or setting a new direction, being clear about your intentions is key.

Listening is just as critical. Active listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about understanding context, emotions, and concerns. When I started truly listening, I built stronger connections with my team and gained insights that helped me lead more effectively.

Empathy ties it all together. Showing empathy in conversations, especially when giving feedback, creates an environment of trust and respect. It allows you to address challenges with sensitivity, which encourages growth rather than defensiveness.

Final thoughts - leadership is a journey not a destination

As I reflect on my own journey, it’s clear that leadership isn’t a destination but a continual process of learning and growth. Emotional intelligence, knowing when to lead vs. manage, overcoming imposter syndrome, and improving communication—these elements have helped shape the leader I am today.

If you’re just starting your leadership journey, remember this: you’re not alone. We all face challenges, but it’s how we respond to them that defines our success. By working on your emotional intelligence, practising empathy, and honing your communication skills, you’ll not only become a more confident leader but also build stronger teams and better relationships.

Leadership isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about showing up with authenticity, vulnerability, and a willingness to grow.

Take Action Today:

• Reflect on your own leadership style and the impact you have on those around you

• Where can you improve your emotional intelligence? Start to tune into your emotions and how they impact your thoughts and actions, practise managing your emotions especially in stressful situations.

• Be empathetic. Practice tuning into other people’s emotions and situations - put yourself in their shoes.

• Practice active listening and empathy in your next conversation. Hold back on judgement and advice.

• Challenge your imposter syndrome by taking action, even when you feel uncertain.

Why Leaders are the Key to a Positive Culture and Engaged Teams

Years ago, I found myself in a business where the culture was slowly deteriorating. We were delivering results and clients were satisfied, but the energy and motivation were low and getting lower.

We were starting to forget WHY we were there.... and lose connection with our PURPOSE. It wasn’t just the lack of team energy that worried me—it was the sense that the leadership team had lost sight of our purpose and the values and behaviours shared in the handbook. This became a red flag for me because I’ve always believed that people are the heart of any business. Without a motivated and engaged team, no matter how much we push for results, we’ll eventually hit a wall.

The turning point came when I had an open conversation with one of the team members. She told me that although she enjoyed the work, she didn’t feel like her contributions were truly valued. That’s when it hit me: employee engagement isn’t just about hitting KPIs—it’s about creating a workplace where people feel valued and understood.

Over the years, I’ve learned that creating a positive workplace culture requires constant effort, but it’s the key to ensuring long-term success for any business.

If you don’t intentionally shape your culture, it will form by accident—and often not in the way you want.

Gallup’s 2023 State of the Global Workplace Report found that only 1 in 5 employees in the UK are actively engaged at work, and this disengagement is costing businesses up to £340 billion annually. So, what’s the solution? It's about building a culture where employees feel connected, empowered, and motivated. A positive workplace culture leads to higher engagement, greater innovation, and ultimately, improved results.

Creating a thriving culture and nurturing engagement isn’t just a "nice-to-have"—it’s essential to your business’s success. Research consistently shows that companies that invest in building a positive work culture see increased productivity, lower turnover, and stronger financial performance.

Research from CIPD highlights that organizations with a well-defined culture have 27% lower turnover rates and engaged employees are 21% more productive than their disengaged counterparts.

So how do we create and sustain that culture? It starts with clear values and shared goals.

It doesn’t happen by accident—it requires intentional effort from leadership to align the company’s values, practices, and feedback systems. According to McKinsey & Company, companies that focus on organizational culture outperform their peers by competing on values and fostering an inclusive environment.

What’s at Stake?

• Employee Retention: High engagement drives loyalty. Employees who feel connected to their company’s culture and mission are 87% less likely to leave (Gallup).

• Customer Satisfaction: Happy, engaged employees are more likely to deliver exceptional customer service, resulting in higher customer satisfaction and increased revenue.

• Innovation & Growth: A culture of trust and openness encourages employees to share ideas, contributing to better problem-solving and innovation. Companies with high levels of engagement experience 14% higher productivity and 30% greater profitability (Gallup)

4 Key Actions to Build a Thriving Culture

1. Define Your Culture and Values Clearly

A positive workplace culture doesn’t happen by accident—it requires clarity and direction from leadership. Set clear, actionable values that guide your team. These values should be embedded into everything from recruitment to decision-making. Google famously encourages employees to "be radically transparent," which has led to a culture of openness and trust. Define what works for your organization and commit to living these values every day.

Action Tip: Host a team workshop to collaboratively define your company’s core values and make sure everyone understands and aligns with them.

2. Foster a Feedback Culture

Feedback is essential for development, but it has to be constructive and consistent. Radical Candor, as described by Kim Scott, is one approach that encourages leaders to “care personally and challenge directly.” It’s about fostering a space where feedback can be given and received without fear of judgment, making team members feel empowered to share their ideas and improve their performance.

Action Tip: Set regular feedback sessions and encourage a two-way dialogue where team members feel comfortable sharing feedback about their work and the environment.

3. Encourage Open Communication

Creating an open and transparent communication channel within your team is crucial for trust and engagement. Leaders who share information and listen to their employees create a culture of inclusivity. Gallup reports that organizations with open communication practices experience 47% higher total returns to shareholders. Encourage regular one-on-ones and town hall meetings where employees can ask questions and discuss ideas.

Action Tip: Implement a monthly “Ask Me Anything” session where employees can raise any topic, allowing leadership to listen and respond openly.

4. Address Conflict with Care

Workplace conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it will shape your culture. Unresolved conflict can fester and affect morale, while well-managed conflict can lead to improved understanding and stronger collaboration. Use mediation techniques, encourage a win-win approach, and create a safe space where differing opinions are viewed as opportunities for growth.

Action Tip: Offer conflict resolution training for managers to help them identify the root causes of conflict and address issues proactively.

The Role of Leadership in Building Culture

As a leader, you play a critical role in shaping the culture of your team. Your actions set the tone for how values are lived out and how employees engage with one another. But creating and sustaining a thriving culture is not a one-time effort. It requires consistent commitment and continuous improvement. CIPD research highlights that organizations with strong cultures are 27% more likely to retain employees and are better positioned to adapt in times of change.

It’s not just about offering perks or creating a fun work environment—it’s about nurturing the environment where your team can flourish. Remember, culture isn’t something that’s automatically positive or negative—it’s what you make of it.

Final Thoughts

It’s easy to overlook the power of culture and engagement in the whirlwind of day-to-day operations. But taking time to focus on these areas isn’t a luxury—it’s an investment. By defining your culture, fostering feedback, and addressing conflict thoughtfully, you’re setting up your team—and your business—for success. You’ll find that when your team is truly engaged, the results speak for themselves.